What goes down seems to go up again!

I never understood why people who went to all the hard work and pain and suffering ever went back to smoking, or drinking or drugs, whatever their vice is.  I mean how could they go back knowing that they are better off not using those vices?  I completely understand why now, well maybe I don't understand, but I get how easy it is.  

All my life all I have ever wanted was to be skinny.  I thought it would bring me happiness, I thought it would bring me attraction from the opposite sex, I thought I could finally make my parents proud to have the skinny daughter, I thought I would become the Mom I wanted to be.  Except you know what?  The brain doesn't work that way!

For those of you who don't know I recently lost 100lb.  I was finally "skinny", I was finally happy, I was finally the person I thought I always wanted to be.  I mean how could I not be happy when everyone kept telling me how great I looked, and I loved people telling me that because never in my life did I have complete strangers, or anyone for that matter, tell me I looked good.   Well, my parents and close friends did but they have to tell me I look good because that is what parents and friends do, boost our confidence, but in reality we never really believe them anyway.  

But those compliments end, the praise for how hard you worked ends and all you are left with is yourself in your new body.  But you know what didn't change, my brain, it didn't lose anything.   My brain still saw me 100lb heavier.  I would look in the mirror and still see that person whom I hated.   So although I was "skinny" I NEVER saw that in the mirror.   My brain was still that fat person who was teased growing up, who was too scared to go skiing because I had to get weighed at school, who was on diets since elementary school, who never had a boyfriend in high school because who wants the fat girl as their girlfriend, who hid behind doing for everyone else so people would like me.  

You see the brain is a messed up place, thoughts may get misplaced, but the brain doesn't forget.   With the weight loss those negative emotions were put away, hidden in a compartment, but like laundry, even when you put it away, more comes back.   So once the compliments stopped the negative thoughts of not being good enough slowly creep back in one chocolate bar at a time. 

You see I am an emotional eater and I know this about myself.   I eat when I am happy, I eat when I am sad, I eat when I am angry, I just like to eat.  Once those negative emotions came back, so did the emotional eating and as we know, it is a vicious circle.   Eat when we are mad, which then makes us feel sad so we eat because we are sad which then makes us mad, it is a never ending ferris wheel that you want to get off, but the button is broken and you cannot get off.   And since the wheel didn't stop for me the weight came back on.  With some of the weight coming back on it spiraled me out of control, so now this ferris wheel is not only spinning and not stopping, it is getting faster and faster.   Now I didn't want to go out, didn't want to be seen, didn't want to see people who will then be saying, "wow, look at the weight she put back on".    So I hid away and stopped doing things I loved and only did what I needed to do.  I stopped running, I stopped WANTING to be around people, I stopped caring.

So like all vices, you have to hit bottom before you can get that ferris wheel to stop and the button to appear again.   So I am asking you to help me hit that stop button.    I love helping people, I am a giver, if someone needs something I will be there, hence the reason I am constantly volunteering or being volunteered to help with things.   So I am going to write this blog to help myself be honest and change my brain, and hopefully help others who have been or are where I am.   I am going to do this to keep myself accountable to you, and myself, with my hope that it will also help you.   

Let's stop this ferris wheel ride we are on, and jump on the roller coaster, because life is full of ups and downs and we all need that car mate to have the ride of our lives with.  Be that car mate with me, and I will be with you!        

Hockey!!

Tonight is the end of Jake's second year of hockey and what a year it has been.   From power skating and practices, to tournaments away, it has been a wild ride.

Too many times it is forgotten the many volunteers make each year of hockey possible.  Many times we don't agree with the decisions made, but in the end it was done with the kids best interests at heart.

Jake has been blessed with an amazing group of coaches this year who have helped him develop into the player he has become.  Not only did they teach Jake how to improve on his hockey skills, they took Cole under their wings and made him feel apart of the team as the GM.  A title they bestowed upon him that he took great pride in.

So to those coaches, Scott, Cory, Mike, Dean, and Shawn, a great big thanks!

Below is a poem I wrote for all Moms, Dads, Brothers, Sisters and fellow family members who enjoyed the Bruins season this year!

Thanks to you Coach

Twas the night before hockey, when all through the house
Not a coach was a sleepin’ “Come to bed!” yelled the spouse.
The equipment was ready and lines all but set,
In hopes that the win would be a sure bet.

The players were sleeping with jerseys all packed
With visions of goals that soon would be racked.
And Hockey Moms asleep for the early morn’ rise
With cow bells and t-shirts to win the big prize.

When the alarm went off a yawn could be heard
As the players arose ready to be chauffeured.
Down to the table for a warm filling meal
With hopes that it would give them energy for the steal.

Into the car with a freshly taped stick
Thinking of plays that will make them score quick.
Arriving with teammates ready to play
“Go Bruins” is what they all say.

Onto the ice skates gliding with speed
Period one begins with hopes of a win guaranteed
Passing and shooting the puck down the ice
Goals are aplenty with the opponent scoring thrice.

Third period comes with hopes still up high
With the puck going into the net, yahoo bulls-eye!
As players work hard two goals come some more
Knowing that overtime will come with no score.

Overtime comes with tension thick in the air
Knowing a goal means a medal to wear.
With a shot on the net the screams could be heard
A goal has been scored!!!   A win was concurred!!

A season of fun, of laughing and learning
It is too bad that the year is a-turning.
We have wins under our belt, and goals have been scored
All from the hard work of a coach who’s adored!

SUPERPOWERS.....Did you know your kids have it?

Guilt!   We feel it each day at some point, whether it is the cookie that gets eaten, the gym that does not see you for a day or the work that does not get done.   Moreover there is one person/persons that can have such an impact on you that will feel guilt without them even saying a word.   For that matter, they don't even have to be in the same room as you for you to feel it.  The scary part of that, is that, many times they do NOT even know they are doing it.  They don't intentionally do it, although we feel it anyway.  Who can have this superpower?    OUR KIDS!!!

I think that they each have a cape that we cannot see, with GUILT written on it.   I say it is a superpower because with one word, or look, they can take us from a strong parent who has hands on hips and is saying no to a toy.  To a parent standing in line with the toy in hand and the child smiling from ear to ear.   Oh you know you have done it before.   This is the outward guilt that they use.  "If you loved me you would buy it for me",  "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeee"  "If you get it for me then I will be good".    "Remember last time you told me that next time we would get something" (oh they remember, don't fool yourself)

Then the inward guilt that they don't even know they do.   How many times have you thought to yourself, "I wish I could do that for you", or "If I had more time I would".    Guilt by association!   There are not many days that we have things that do not get done, that we feel guilty about it.   Have you ever said, "There are not enough hours in a day"     Guilt as a parent that we have not done enough for our kids.

Good vs Evil is what I call guilt.   It can do good, getting off the computer and spending time playing a game with the kids.    And evil, being exhausted because you try to do everything you can for your kids.

We as parents put an unbelievable amount of pressure on ourselves to be the best parent we can.  Guilt if we are not.  But in this world there are going to be things that we cannot do for our kids, and that is good!!    Kids really will be OK if we cannot go to a PTA meeting, but will we?  We need to look at our choices we make in a day and decide if we are doing it for good or evil?   

Good; we want to do it for ourselves.  Evil; trying to make up for guilt we feel.   Look at your choices in a day and make the distinction, then you might not feel so much of the guilt.

Paddling down this river called life.

My talk in front of City Council on Organ Donation

This is the speech that I said in front of City Council tonight.   My hope is that it makes a difference. 

If you had the opportunity to save 8 lives would you?  Not many people would answer NO to that questions, yet many of you in this room can do that right now and yet haven’t. In fact only 39% of residents in Sault Ste Marie could answer yes to that question and an even worse stat is that only 22% of eligible Ontarians can say yes.   

Unfortunately these are the stats about organ donation in Ontario. Only 39% of Sault Ste Marie residents who are eligible to be organ donors have actually registered their consent.  Many of you are thinking, “I did that years ago on my licence, or I signed a card before”.   But that is no longer valid.  You need to go and register online.

There are currently 1536 people in ONTARIO alone waiting for an organ transplant, and every 3 days, one of those people die waiting.  Waiting, because someone did not register to be an organ donor.   But it does not have to happen.  In Ontario alone, this year to date 411 people have been actual organ donors, while 867 transplants have taken place.  Therefore looking at those stats, each organ donor saved on average 2 people, all because they registered their consent to become an organ donor, and shared their wishes with their families. 

Most people think they will never need an organ transplant, but in reality, you are more likely to NEED an organ transplant, than you will ever be an actual organ donor.  This year my family faced this situation when my sister-in-law Kim has pulmonary fibrosis and was in need of a double lung transplant.   She had to uproot her life from Elliot Lake and move to Toronto to wait for “the call”.   She moved there in February and finally got the call at the end of August that there was a set of lungs available.   Kim got her transplant and on Thanksgiving weekend was released to her apartment in Toronto to finish her recovery.   My family has Kim in their lives for hopefully many more years to come, all because a HERO made the decision to donate their organs. 

That is what I call all organ registrants, HEROES!!!   They are making the choice to save up to 8 lives and possibly enhance 75 others.  They are talking to their families and making their wishes known.  They are true SUPERHEROES.  

By taking less than 2 minutes of your time today you too can be a HERO.  What I am asking each and everyone in this room to do today is to go to www.beadonor.ca/ and register your consent.    

Today I am asking you Madam Mayor to put a direct link to the Sault Ste Marie beadonor.ca website that has already been setup, on the front page of the city’s official website.  This way when people come to our city webpage, they see that we are a city of HEROES.   I am also challenging each and every person in this room to set up their own personal page on the beadonor website and ensure that your friends and family have registered their consent.   Together we can bring the percentage of registered organ donors up to 51% and lead ALL of Ontario in registrants. 

I have a friend here who has 2 stories to share, one is her own personal experience with being an organ transplant recipient, and she also has a letter to share with you that will bring this whole need for signing up to be an organ donor to light.  

 

 

Who Loves Running Through Snow?

Have you ever had someone say something about you and you think to yourself, "That's not me!".   Then you sit and think for a minute or two and realize that maybe that person saw something in you that you had never recognized in yourself.

This happened to me recently when my brother and I were talking at a family function.  We were talking about hockey and how he wished he had my "drive" when he was playing.    I had never, ever in my entire life thought of myself as someone with drive.  Stubborn, gullible, naive, caring, YEP, but a person who has drive?   This had not even crossed my mind. 

So I sat and thought about it to see if I could see it, and then I remembered a story that I showed how much "drive" I had.   One Bon Soo about 7 years ago my family was involved in a Car Rally.   This is where you get a set of questions and you have to drive around and find the answers in a set amount of time.   So, I am eagerly waiting for us to get our questions to get going.   We listen to the instructions,
1)  Come and get your questions when your team is called  
2) Read all the questions
3) Drive safe and have fun!  

So we get our questions, I rush to the car and read the first question.   I know the answer so we are on our way.  We are trucking along great and get to a question #18 that says, "How many rungs are on the slide in the park?"   Well remember this is in the winter and it was an actual Northern Ontario winter so there was about 2-3 feet of snow in this park, and no path plowed.  So my "drive" takes over and I go running towards the slide.  That slide by the way is in the far back corner of this park.   I am huffing and puffing when I get there to count the rungs, 7!   So I run (or trudge slowly) through the snow and get back to the car, at which point I am in a full fledged asthma attack and can barely get the answer out to everyone in the car.  The person with the paper (who I cannot remember at this moment because I could barely breathe at this point), writes the answer down and flips the page to the next question.  "What (huff puff), is (huff puff) the next (huff puff) question?"   No answer!   "What is the next question?" I ask again.   The person says, "#19, Skip question #18"   WHAT!!!!   Skip question #18?  But didn't I just run through knee deep snow to find out the answer to question #18!!   

Yes I have it, DRIVE!!!  Aka:  Stupidity!!!   

Paddling along this river called life!!!

Adults, how ashamed we should be

Competitive nature: is it taught, or are you born with it?

This year I decided to coach my son in soccer over the winter.  I thought this was a great way to bond with him and to have some fun teaching some other children the joys of sports.  Also over the winter it was the first year that my other son played organized hockey.   I was happy that he was going to enjoy the unique experience you get from playing a team sport.  Little did I know that as the year went on I would be upset by many awful behaviours.  Unfortunately this was from many of the adults, not the kids.

Some of the many things I learned over this winter (and in my years of watching, and playing sports)  will stick with me forever (even if many of the adults have yet to learn it).

1)  Kids will have fun, and learn, IF we let them.      

2)  Parents have unrealistic expectations of their children, AND of their children's coaches.

3)  Winning is NOT the only reason to play sports.

4)  Sometimes you gain more from a loss, than a win.

5)  Not all coaches play fair to win.

6) Many people think that if you beat a team by 10, then you are a better team.

7)  There are parents who will yell at a 5 year old on the ice! (in a negative manner)

8)  Just because you lose a game, doesn't mean that the coach is not a good coach.

9)  There is A LOT of cheating in sports.

10)  People do not see negativeness when they are winning, and are overly critical when they are losing.

My wish for both of my kids is to have fun in sports, and if they want to win an award make it the Most Sportsmanlike award.  With that I know that they have learned a lot from their year playing whatever sport it is. 

Being competitive is a great quality that will take people many places in their lives, from playing sports, to getting a job.  However my word of advice to many  sport parents is:  YOUR CHILD IS NOT GOING TO MAKE THE PROS, so let them enjoy! 

Have You Ever?

Has there ever been a time in your life when you have said, "Oh I wish I had done that"?   Do you ever make a list, whether on paper or in your mind, of things you want to do in your life?   Why do we make those lists, why don't we go and just do it?  Why do we have to look at the end of our life to decide on things we want to do?  

Over the years there have been many things I have said that I want to do in my life.  I guess I think that if I write it down, and make it public, I will have to make some of that come true, because in reality, I am the ONLY person that can make them come true. 

1.  Drive a race car on a race track; and not slowly.  Every time I head out to the Laird races I get this feeling inside of adrenaline that makes me want to hop inside and drive.  I remember taking my Dad's snow machine out one day and driving it over 100 km/hr.  I still remember the feeling of freedom,and thrill.  (sorry Dad)

2.  Get a tattoo.  Now this is going to surprise many many people because if there was anyone out there more afraid of needles, I would like to meet them.  I was 16 before I realized that they did NOT  have to take blood out of both arms when you got blood work.  I clenched so hard that they could not get enough blood out of one arm.  But I want to get the kids names tattooed as THEY print them. 

3.  Para sail.   Again I am not a huge height fan, but for some reason this one intrigues me.  The thrill of flying!  I think deep down I have some love for extreme sports in me (it is pretty deep though).

4.  Write a book.  I have a children's book in my head and I would love to write it.  But it takes guts to put yourself out there to have criticism for something you have always wanted.

Although the list is probably longer, these are the four that pop into my head first and foremost.  I am left to assume that subconsciously these are the ones that mean the most to me, or are the ones that I am meant to fulfil. 

I guess I need to take some steps to make some of them reality because they are not really that unrealistic, it is not like I picked modelling or anything. 

So I think I might open a Word Document and start my story.  That's a start isn't it?  

Paddling down this river called life!



5.