When someone tells me that I have blond hair, I say, "Yes I do" (a little white lie since it is dyed blond but they don't have to know that). If they say, "You have big feet, what size are they?", I say, "Yep and it can be a pain to find shoes for these size 10 wide feet". I don't think twice about this, nor does it affect my day or mood in any way shape or form. But if someone says, "You're fat!", my whole day is ruined, in fact most times it is at least a week before it is no longer affecting my emotions. But why does this bother me so much? They are just stating a fact, I am fat.
It is no surprise to me when someone makes reference to my weight, I have been fat as long as I can remember. I remember joining Weight Watchers when I was in high school trying to attain the skinny body that some guy might like. I joined the gym in university and played on the rugby team, to become skinny. I joined Weight Watchers again when I got engaged, to be the beautiful, skinny bride. I again joined a gym after Cole was born, to become the skinny Mom. When I look at this list, my whole life has revolved around trying to become skinny. But why?
If I was 100 pounds skinnier would I be a better person? If I could run 5km, would I be a better mother? If I was skinny, would I be happier? I guess these are all questions that anyone who has any weight problem wrestles with. Would being skinny make my life better?
I guess in my mind I feel it would make me happier or I wouldn't be spending a small fortune on trying to attain this. I have lost weight, I lost 50 pounds last year, I felt great, felt wonderful, people would comment on how much I lost, but I gained some of it back again over the past year. So I guess that small glimpse of being skinny did not make me so happy after all.
The journey to weight loss, whether it be 5, 10 or 100 pounds really has to be an internal thing with yourself. You have to want it, not for the physical nature of being skinny, but for real reasons inside yourself on why you are not skinny now.
So that is the journey I am on, why have I not lost the weight I have been trying to lose for almost 20 years. I am happy that you are on this journey with me, cause lord knows I need all the love and support I can get on this voyage, it has been 20 years in the making.
Nicole it sounds like you wrote my life for me! everything you have said is so true! the only reason i think that losing weight and keeping it off will become a priority is for health reasons. i know i have been told i am pre diabetic but for some reason i still cant get this weight off. lets do this once and for all---for us. i will stay on this journey with you
ReplyDeletemaria(from out little biggest loser group!)
I would suggest the focus needs to not be on being skinny but being healthy. I believe the other will follow. Look at why you eat and ask am I hungry or am I eating to feel better.
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